wrigley field is MILF paradise
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
