just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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