I hate all girls vehemently.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
