She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
