Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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