party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Randomize
