In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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