If i come over, it means nothing
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
