and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
