Your tits are I can't wait for
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
