We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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