I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
