The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
