with your own penis?
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
