i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
