I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
