i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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