i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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