o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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