Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
