Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Randomize
