I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I could fuck to npr.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
