Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
