life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
