Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
