The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
you mean i was at the winter classic?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
