can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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