girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
