guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
