So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
