Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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