uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
oh god the rape fog is back!
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Be still, my beating vagina.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
