he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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