Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I have post one night stand depression
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
