You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
my god I love twenty year old dicks
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
