you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
