i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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