Who wears a wallet chain?!
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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