I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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