the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
