im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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