So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
