I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
