Your tits are I can't wait for
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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