she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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