I accidentally burped into my bong.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Someone signed my nipple.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
