Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
17 year olds will be the death of me.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
