I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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