Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
