Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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