Redeem this text for a blowjob
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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