i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
