I love black thongs
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
